I thought twice about doing this particular post because it does sadden me in my heart, right down to the very core. But I just thought about the future, and I thought about the fact that I won’t feel like this forever, and I’d like remember the feelings I feel now, and what I’ve learned so far. And I thought about the other people who might possibly be reading this and going through something similar who could be encouraged to have faith.
I had to say goodbye to you before I got to say hello.
I would just sit and dream about what you would look like, the places I would take you, and how much our family would love you. I know it wasn’t long, but you can dream a lot in 10 weeks. One week ago today I was day dreaming about hearing your heartbeat, getting my due date and thinking about the future.. Then my heart was ripped out, kicked and stepped on a few times. This can’t be happening, this can’t be happening… Fast forward past the non-stop hurting… It still hurts but I’m learning more each day. I’ve learned for the next time not to focus on silly things like labor, or morning sickness or anything else selfish. But to focus on being so completely thankful that I have a precious baby growing inside of me. And to focus on praying for that baby every day.
I prayed for your salvation and that one day you’d choose Jesus as your loving Savior. My prayer was answered early, but it was answered, because you’re sitting with our Savior now.
I’m able to look forward now, I know God has a purpose in all of this, I believe it with every ounce of my being. That’s why we’ll keep going, hold on to the lessons we’ve learned, and hope for the future. I love you our little baby olive, you’ll forever have a place in our hearts.
Ps. 28:7 “the Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped.”