The World-2 Baby W-0
Does something ever happen to you that just rocks your world? Rocks everything so completely you question everything. Maybe I am a bad person, maybe I deserve this. Maybe, maybe, maybe.
I lost again, I lost the battle against my heart. There’s something different about this time. Maybe it’s my fault, maybe my heart wasn’t ready, I wasn’t healed. My baby, I’m sorry I never gave my heart to you completely because I was so scared. When I picture myself having a baby, I imagine I will be completely in awe, madly in love, instantly. I will examine every ounce of their being. My baby, I’m sorry I won’t be able to do hold you in my arms and do that with you.
With every inch of my broken heart, deep within I do know that God is in control always. Although I have to admit for a little while we weren’t on speaking terms, or… okay maybe it was just me that wasn’t speaking to Him. And I do feel like I’ve become hardened in some way, that’s something I’ve never felt before. But I do have faith though that Jesus will do a work in me and bring me back. Until then, for this chapter I will choose to be a little bitter thankyouverymuch! And then soon, I will turn the page and become softer and stronger at the same time, I will look back and realize what this has taught me and how it has made me a better person.
After my surgery when I was alone I would hold on to my bear and fall asleep. I got him when I was 1 or 2. (as you can tell he’s very old) Scott tried to get me to wash him the other day, how dare he! As old as he is, someday I hope that I can pass him on to my baby.