Journaling our Journey {part 4}

I’m happy to say that I can give a final update as far as all of the testing goes after our second miscarriage. When I look back, I realize I didn’t really even give an update after I received the last results we got. But I suppose I had somewhat of a reason. One of my test results came back positive (actually another test did as well, and 2 others were missed, so I also had to redo those 3) but the one that came back positive she was concerned about was one that could possibly mean that I have lupus. The dr prefaced with the fact that it could be a false positive so more time and testing would tell. Now me, I practically had my headstone picked out already swearing this would be the death of me, but the more rational husband of mine pointed out the facts. That there were different types, that it’s treatable, that I am almost 30 and have absolutely no symptoms for it. Although I have to admit once I heard I could have it, my joints seem to get twitches of pain and crack waaay more than before. (mental case I know!) But we decided not to tell too many people just because there was no sense worrying everyone if I didn’t have it. After weeks of waiting for a referral I finally got an appointment with a rheumatologist. Anyway, long story even longer I went in, she asked me a bunch of questions, checked my joints and told me she didn’t think I had it. Good news. But I still had to go and get a few more blood tests done, and she was going to have my thyroid checked while they were at. Lovely. I have had so many vials of blood drawn in the past year, it amazes me! So anyway, I went back last week to find all negative results on all of the tests she did. So no lupus for me, ven better news. Also, the other tests I had redone from my ob, all negative. So basically there is nothing wrong with me… Which I know is a good thing, I was just sort of hoping it was something small, like a hormone deal. Something that we could fix on our own, but no, instead we just have to continue to have faith. Darn it, I’d rather be able to have all of the control ;)

Soooo, this is my thinking, I’m pretty sure it’s silly, but whatever. Now that I’ve been tested up the wazoo, Scott’s been tested, we know the baby had a chromosomal defect but not stemming from Scott or I. Basically that resets my clock (mentally only of course) Meaning that the next time I get pregnant, I can’t be stressed out and worried that something is going to happen. I have to pretend mentally during that time that I didn’t already lose 2 babies. It truly could have been a 2-time fluke deal. I pray that it was. The way I think about it, if something happens again and I am only given 6 weeks to be with my baby, then I need to not worry and make those the best 6 weeks ever! Right? Right! So I’m really, really, really anxious and excited to be pregnant again, and even more anxious to hold that baby in my arms! If you wouldn’t mind joining me in praying for my baby when it’s time, I’d love that! For them to be healthy and strong for 9 long months…

Scott and I went to Sea World with his family on Sunday, I love this picture we took. When I see it, it gives me even more hope that everything will turn out just perfect in the end, no matter what.

(sorry for such a long, probably boring post. Thanks for sticking with me)


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