*Beware, this is an extremely personal and somewhat long post, so only read on if you care to hear about the soap opera I call my life*
I was trying to think of the best way to describe how I am feeling these days because of the latest life changing event in our lives. I wanted to paint somewhat of a picture of how I felt last week and the only way I thought of was to remind you all of this post. With 17 days left of probation, and the final countdown until Scott was done and was.. well a permanent fire fighter. So, Thursday I was in our office and happen to look down in the trash to see Ontario’s work schedules among other things, I see his rings that I made him, with 3 days left.. Inside the trash can, and then my heart broke for Scott. They failed him from probation with 3 shifts left. I won’t go into details because well you might get bored, and I will choose to be a lady about it for the time being. But bottom line, he should not have failed.
When I was talking with my dad about all of this, he told me about what he had heard at church the night before. He said that Josh spoke about the cross, and about what a beautiful tragedy Jesus on the cross is. It’s a tragedy because of the awful things Jesus went through on that cross, but how beautiful it is because He took all of our sins from us by the sacrifice He made. Now, I am not saying by any means what we’ve gone through is anything comparable to Jesus dying on the cross, but our life the past year has been somewhat of a beautiful tragedy. If I could list off the things that have happened to us from July 19th, 2010 to July 19th, 2011. (Actually I will back-track 2 weeks) July 1st- Found out we were pregnant; July 19th – Scott started probation; August 13th – went to the dr’s to hear there was no heartbeat for our baby; September 12th – had a miscarriage. December 31st – lost 3 people from my life to which I still do not understand why. February 1st – greatest birthday present ever, we’re pregnant again; March 4th – found out there was no heartbeat; March 22nd – had D&C surgery. We had blood tests done – and found out I could have Lupus. To last week, July 13th – Ontario Fire Department fails Scott, meaning no more job for Scott. Whoa.
Now not to be a negative Nancy, there were some amazing things that happened (hence “beautiful”) from July 19th, 2010 to July 19th, 2011. September 25th – my baby brother got married; October 6th – wonderful vacation in Hawaii to see my beautiful sister-in-law marry her handsome husband; March 22nd – our family was changed because Jaxon was born. June 12th – my sister-in-law came to know and have a loving relationship with our Lord and Savior. And I’m sure I’ve missed other beautiful things, and I don’t mean to.
When you compare my life to Jesus on the cross, well.. mine looks like a tea party.. But in the realm of the Williams life from one day to the next, it kind of seems like one tragedy after another. But the beautiful part is that I know.absolutely.100%.hands down. that God has already used us in each one of those situations to witness to people. I’ve said this before, but I really can’t wish that none of these things happened, because as a result we’ve been able to share what the Lord has done for us during and after each of these trials. Do I want Scott to have a job, yes. Do I want a baby more than anything in the world, yes. But we also know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. (Romans 8:28) I hope that when you look at our life over the past year, that you don’t feel sorry for us, but that you see that we are still standing strong in our marriage, and in our faith in the Lord. Do I have bad days, yes and I cry, yes. But through it all, God never leaves me. He is true to His promises to take care of us.
See I warned you it would be long! Thanks for sticking with me.