A beautiful tragedy

*Beware, this is an extremely personal and somewhat long post, so only read on if you care to hear about the soap opera I call my life*

I was trying to think of the best way to describe how I am feeling these days because of the latest life changing event in our lives. I wanted to paint somewhat of a picture of how I felt last week and the only way I thought of was to remind you all of this post. With 17 days left of probation, and the final countdown until Scott was done and was.. well a permanent fire fighter. So, Thursday I was in our office and happen to look down in the trash to see Ontario’s work schedules among other things, I see his rings that I made him, with 3 days left.. Inside the trash can, and then my heart broke for Scott. They failed him from probation with 3 shifts left. I won’t go into details because well you might get bored, and I will choose to be a lady about it for the time being. But bottom line, he should not have failed.

When I was talking with my dad about all of this, he told me about what he had heard at church the night before. He said that Josh spoke about the cross, and about what a beautiful tragedy Jesus on the cross is. It’s a tragedy because of the awful things Jesus went through on that cross, but how beautiful it is because He took all of our sins from us by the sacrifice He made. Now, I am not saying by any means what we’ve gone through is anything comparable to Jesus dying on the cross, but our life the past year has been somewhat of a beautiful tragedy. If I could list off the things that have happened to us from July 19th, 2010 to July 19th, 2011. (Actually I will back-track 2 weeks) July 1st- Found out we were pregnant; July 19th – Scott started probation; August 13th – went to the dr’s to hear there was no heartbeat for our baby; September 12th – had a miscarriage. December 31st – lost 3 people from my life to which I still do not understand why. February 1st – greatest birthday present ever, we’re pregnant again; March 4th – found out there was no heartbeat; March 22nd – had D&C surgery. We had blood tests done – and found out I could have Lupus. To last week, July 13th – Ontario Fire Department fails Scott, meaning no more job for Scott. Whoa.

Now not to be a negative Nancy, there were some amazing things that happened (hence “beautiful”) from July 19th, 2010 to July 19th, 2011. September 25th – my baby brother got married; October 6th – wonderful vacation in Hawaii to see my beautiful sister-in-law marry her handsome husband; March 22nd – our family was changed because Jaxon was born. June 12th – my sister-in-law came to know and have a loving relationship with our Lord and Savior. And I’m sure I’ve missed other beautiful things, and I don’t mean to.

When you compare my life to Jesus on the cross, well.. mine looks like a tea party.. But in the realm of the Williams life from one day to the next, it kind of seems like one tragedy after another. But the beautiful part is that I know.absolutely.100%.hands down. that God has already used us in each one of those situations to witness to people. I’ve said this before, but I really can’t wish that none of these things happened, because as a result we’ve been able to share what the Lord has done for us during and after each of these trials. Do I want Scott to have a job, yes. Do I want a baby more than anything in the world, yes. But we also know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. (Romans 8:28) I hope that when you look at our life over the past year, that you don’t feel sorry for us, but that you see that we are still standing strong in our marriage, and in our faith in the Lord. Do I have bad days, yes and I cry, yes. But through it all, God never leaves me. He is true to His promises to take care of us.

See I warned you it would be long! Thanks for sticking with me.

Here we are Friday night at the OC Fair. He’s so cute! (follow me on instagram at jessica_rose_20)

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27 thoughts on “A beautiful tragedy

  1. I love you Jess. I am so sorry that things have been so hard. God truly is at work and all these trials are going to make sense someday. I can definitely relate to those seasons of drought when it seems like one bad thing after the next is happening…but once we are able to change our perspective and see things through God’s eyes not our own it makes it a little bit easier to manage. You guys are amazing and God is going to use your story to bless so many. He knows those desires of your heart and don’t forget that. Love you and miss you!

  2. i love you jess! thanks for sharing such personal stuff…but may Jesus shine even brighter through you this next year!!! praying that July 2011- july 2012 is full of blessings after blessings!!!

  3. God has drawn you closer to him. He has reached down from Heaven to pull you closer. And yes, He has used you because you have been an Angel for me Jess.

  4. My heart breaks for all you’ve had to endure. I know our lives are in His hands, and I admire you for being able to keep Him in the center of yours. You are a remarkable woman and a reflection of His love. (and there’s no shame in crying!)

  5. After reading everyone’s comments, I’m not sure what else I can say but it truly has been awesome to witness God working through your life. You have such a strong testimony and are using your various trials to bring glory to God. You are a real encouragement to me in my daily walk Jess.

  6. Jessica, my heart hurts for your losses and heartache. I admire your strength in sharing what God has done for you. His timing is impeccable….”To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: A time to be born, and a time to die; A time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; A time to kill, and a time to heal; A time to break down, and a time to build up; A time to weep, and a time to laugh; A time to mourn, and a time to dance; A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; A time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; A time to get, and a time to lose; A time to keep, and a time to cast away; A time to rend, and a time to sew; A time to keep silence, and a time to speak; A time to love, and a time to hate; A time of war, and a time of peace” :: Eccles. 3:1-8
    Praying for His Will and that He brings you and Scott comfort, patience, and peace in this season of life. I love you Williams.

  7. Jess, we’ve never met but I’m bobby’s cusin. ( his favorite , he may need reminding). Anyway u have a great fath in the lord as u know and this will see u through all. I know u probably heard He never gives u more then u can handle. I wish he didn’t trust me this much. Something like that. You are your fathers child he’s been through alot in his life and still his fath and sence of humer get him through. I have fath that all
    Will be great with god in your life. The good the bad. It’s all life. And u listed the joys keep concentrating on them and it will all come together.
    Love , Margie ( mugie to Bobby )
    And my side of the family can’t spell ;)

    • Hi Margie nice to meet you over the internet world! I have heard (many) nice things about you. God is awesome and I’m so blessed to have the husband and family and friends that I do. Your right, all will be great in the end, the Lord always provides :) The thing about trials is, you can always learn from them and they only make you stronger. Thanks so much for reading!

  8. Just read your post, wow, what a strong and faithful woman!…..this is what makes a woman beautiful, and you are…. Have been praying for you and your hearts desire. Hugs…

    Love this part:
    Do I have bad days, yes and I cry, yes. But through it all, God never leaves me. He is true to His promises to take care of us….AMEN!

    • oh wow thank you Esther, those are very kind words. honestly, I couldn’t want anything different said about me. and thank you so much for praying for me! He is true to his promises! Amen :)

  9. “For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels or demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8:38-39
    I pray these words that comfort me in difficult times will also comfort you. My heart goes out to you and to Scott — we will continue to keep you in our prayers. Your faith and support of your family will see you through as well. Love to you and hug your Dad for me, Aunt Joanne

  10. wow, i dont know what to say either, i cried the whole time i read yours then i cried when i read all the responses, isnt it so sweet that you have all these wonderful people in your life to be there and encourage you! God truly is amazing and we have nothing to worry about. i love you and im so happy to be a big part of your life, through the ups and downs! love you girl.

  11. Jess,
    I wanted you to know that your great faith in the Lord has given me such hope and encouragement in my spiritual walk. Thank you for sharing, God is using you to help far more people than you know, with your powerful witness. I see the Spirit of our gracious Lord in your story and I am so thankful. What beauty I see! Thank you again,
    Aubrey Zenteno

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