1 Year Ago Today..

I was scared out of my mind, and I was heartbroken. Heartbroken but hopeful at the same time. Hopeful because we always have hope in the Lord Jesus Christ to bring us out of our despair, also hopeful that maybe we would finally get answers. Why now have we lost two of our babies? This day last year was the day of my D&C surgery, for my second miscarriage in 6 months. It wasn’t an overly emotional day for me as I know that our little girl had already gone to be with the Lord and it was just the shell they were removing. But I still get emotional thinking about all of it, I can bring myself back to that very moment and feel all of those feelings over again.

So much has changed since a year ago today, so much to be thankful for. It might seem odd for me to be thinking about it still, but in my opinion I don’t ever want to forget either of the feelings or those babies, they were our babies. Because of the loss of those babies, I am who I am today. I am that much more thankful for our son. I’ve been thinking a lot about this day for some reason, not sure why. Maybe it’s just to encourage any of you who might be going through this same thing, or any kind of trial in your life. I want to encourage you to stay strong, don’t lose hope. You’ll get through this. I’m living proof that the Lord never fails us, He wants the desires of our hearts. As hard as it may seem right now just wait, have peace and pray.. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 says, “Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.” I seriously clung to that verse during that hard time.

 Something great also happened one year ago today, my very first nephew was born. Although I thought I would be sad (or jealous if you will) I was filled with so much love for that little boy. He was the highlight of my life for that time of healing, but emotionally and physically. Now he is a year old! Happy Birthday Jaxon, auntie loves you very much!

For those of you who might be new to hearing about the journey I call life, you can go here to read from my surgery and on. If you’d like. Thanks for listening.

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2 thoughts on “1 Year Ago Today..

  1. So many parents at some time or another say to their children “just you wait to have kids” as though its a curse or a punishment, I’m here to say “not so”. I have been waiting for my kids to have kids so they can experience the love of a child for their parents and the love of a parent for their child. It is one of those “spiritual” things that cannot be put into words and cannot be understood unless by experience. I am just as excited to read your blog as I was when you took your first steps. The joy is immense, beyond feeling, if i were a balloon i would have busted a thousand times for the joy you have given me, I praise God that you will now get to enjoy this love of a parent and the love “from” a child………………..and just when i thought that was it……….. I became a Grandparent, so let me say “just you wait until you have Grandkids” lol………. No-one could possibly love their daughter as much as I love you !!

  2. So um I was emotional before reading your post, then reading your dad’s… oh goodness… but okay let’s just say that I love you and I totally remember having you dinner with you the night before your surgery with Yoyo at Don Jose’s. The sadness of these losses just make me that much more happy about the coming of little Grayson. You deserve this and so much more. I am also so excited for the day that you get to meet your first little one and your daughter! That will be such an amazing day (plus meeting Jesus of course)! I am rambling, but all this to say, I love you Jess!

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