** A little warning it’s going to be all Grayson all week on my blog ** If you follow me on Instagram than you probably already know how obsessed with him I am. It’s bad.
Thinking back about the birth of our son and figuring out where to even start is actually kind of hard. I guess I could start on Saturday (5/19) at 5:09 pm because that is when I had my first contraction. (Thinking back now to when everything first started, I am SO thankful that I am done with it all!) At first the contractions progressed slowly but then from about 9 o’clock on they got closer and closer. I actually did a lot of laboring at home, we went in around 3 am when they were about 2-4 minutes apart. (side note – the ride to the hospital was somewhat awful, of course you never really know just how many darn bumps there are in the road until you are in labor and feel everything! I kind of hate being a passenger on Newport Rd now) When we got to the hospital and got up to triage to check and see if they would admit me it was around 3:45 am, I was dilated to a 3 1/2. The nurse called my doctor and got the okay to admit me. I think as any women having contractions it’s always a fear that you aren’t really in labor and that they are going to send you home. So I was glad I was going to get to stay.. So this is it.. our baby is coming.. I let the nurse know right away that I planned on an epidural. Although at that point my contractions ranged anywhere from 88-100 and the nurse kept saying I was handling them well. That’s great but I want drugs thank you.
I believe it was around 5:15 am when I finally got the epidural and after that I felt pretty good. I did feel a little lightheaded for a while but that went away after a bit. The cool thing about the hospital that I delivered in is they don’t have any sort of limit as to the amount of people allowed in labor and delivery. While I never planned on having anyone other than Scott, my mom and Scott’s mom in the room with me when I was actually pushing, it was still awesome that my two girlfriends Jamie and Lauren could come in and hang out during the wait. I will always cherish them being in there with me. I was progressing well but they wanted to give me pitocin to try and speed things up. By 12:15 my water broke and the nurse swore I’d have Grayson in my arms by 2:00. (By the way for most of my labor I had a male nurse named Miguel. Or should I rephrase and say that I had the biggest male nurse I’ve ever seen in a hospital for most of my labor) Super nice guy though, and when I need to flip to one side he would basically use his brute force to pick me up. Which leads me to the worst part of my labor, the wearing off of the epidural. (My thinking is because this guy would just heave-ho me around from side to side my epidural had come out of the spot it should have been) Around 1:00 I started being able to feel every contraction. I think that my nurse either thought that I was only feeling the pressure and not actual pain, or he thought I was so close to pushing he didn’t want to do anything to alleviate my pain so that it was easier for me to push. Regardless it was the wrong thing to do because it slowed down my progression tremendously, so much so that when the doctor came in I had gotten no where and she immediately ordered a new epidural for me. Of course at this time my contractions were right on top of each other, never going away completely and topping the charts each time. I just remember thinking, this is not fair, I have always wanted an epidural and not wanted to go through anything this painful. About the time I felt like I could pass out from the pain, the anesthesiologist was in and re-doing my epidural. (side note – before the anesthesiologist was administering this next epidural Scott, the anesthesiologist and my nurse proceeded to chat about the Kings hockey game that Scott had turned on. If I didn’t feel like I was going to pass out I probably would have punched one of them)
Once my doctor came back in to check me, I believe I was completely dilated (this part becomes a little fuzzy for me, even the next day it was hard for me to remember exactly how it went) but one moment I remember the doctor saying that Grayson would just not come down far enough for me to start pushing. Basically the impression I got was my next option was going to be c-section, which isn’t what I wanted either. Although I literally felt like I wanted to quit and there was absolutely no way I’d have the energy to push. So here I am contemplating c-section and then the next thing I remember is Dr. Dimmette coming in setting myself and the bed up for me to start pushing. Whaat? All of a sudden I wasn’t as tired at all. (Amazing how that happens) But.. at this time I started to be able to feel pain again. I’m still so confused as to why that happened to me, twice.
Time to push, after the first push Grayson’s head was at the front (or top, whatever it’s called) of the birth canal. I had even impressed my doctor by my magnificent first push. I had mom’s at each of my legs with Scott behind me, and what I remember about pushing was the encouragement my he gave me. It felt like I had an entire cheer squad in that room with me, between Scott, my mom and mother-in-law, the nurse and my doctor. But what I can hear in my head still so clearly is Scott’s voice. Yelling, cheering me on to push, I’m almost there! I remember being so tired in between all the pushing, feeling like it would never end. I had done so well with the first push, but the rest of the pushes seemed in vain, to be so close and to loose all energy is almost devastating. After what felt like 12 hours (in actuality was only 16 minutes) our son was born. I will never, ever, ever forget what I felt when they stuck him on my chest. (He didn’t cry at first which scared me, but did soon after) I cried so hard holding him so tightly. “I’ve waited forever to meet you my son.” (side note that I didn’t know until last week sometime but since Grayson came out with his hand up by his face and apparently that caused his shoulder to pop out of the socket. The doctor had to pop it back in!)
The doctor finished sewing me up (tear + cut, lovely) And by this time I could feel it all. Not fun. I just wanted her to be done, I felt every stitch. Then later before they moved us over to post-pardom they had me get up to go to the bathroom. I almost blacked out, she had to pull the emergency string while we were there and all of a sudden there were 5 nurses in there with us. That was really scary, I also had a little temperature afterwards but thankfully nothing escalated with that.
I am so so thankful that both of us are healthy, and I do know that it could have been a lot worse. I guess I’m just a little disappointed because that was not at all what I had wanted and feel like it could have been different if things were done differently. But I of course am no doctor and will never really know why the epidural came out. I don’t know much, but I do know that everything I went through was completely worth it to have our perfect, healthy baby boy. Here are the first photos taken that day (please excuse the graphic nature of this first shot) At this point I don’t know who was crying harder me or Grayson. I love that my mom took this picture, I never ever want to forget what he looked like that first second I saw him or what I felt right at that moment. Poor little cone-head. Daddy’s first time holding himWords can’t describe the feeling you have when you are holding your baby for the first time. I know they say you forget everything after a while and I’m sure that I will. But even if I never did, it will still be completely worth it to have what we have now in our little family. When I’m holding Grayson and we lock eyes, and he just stares what feels like into my very soul I cry again like I did the first time I held him. It’s almost like he looks and me and with his eyes he says, you are my mommy and I love you. There isn’t anything better.