Guess we have to grow up a little bit

Oh boy where do I even begin. I have an over abundance of thoughts pulsing my brain and am having trouble sorting through them. If I could use one word to describe how I feel it would be bummed. Why in the world would I be bummed!? I have a baby and last year that’s all I ever wanted. I shouldn’t be anything but ecstatic, the thought that I am still bummed, bums me out. When I had my other pity party (you can read that one here) I talked about having trouble nursing. I had a friend recommend a consultant and through speaking with her I was able to get some awesome vitamins and they totally helped. While I was taking them. Scott and I talked about the fact that if my supply went back as it was after the two weeks of vitamins, it was just time to switch him to formula. Wouldn’t you know that’s exactly what happened. Long story short, I could go into detail and list the reasons we decided I would stop nursing but I won’t. Bottom line is we decided it would be best for both Grayson and I. Nutritionally for Gray, mentally for me. The entire time I’ve stressed about it because I could always tell I was low. This has been such a hard transition for me, I still cry when I think about it. That time between us was so special to me, I know I have to do what’s best for him but selfishly I wanted to keep going. I will never forget some of the special moments we had during that time. (his staring games were my favorite)

Then the very next day after we came to this conclusion he also decided that he didn’t need to sleep swaddled up anymore. What? Why is he doing this to me? He doesn’t need me or his blankie anymore. (ridiculous I know) Would you know that the night that happened I slept with his blanket!! (I should be embarrassed to admit that, but I’m not) I promise I’m not making a habit of that!

I said this is my last post but I’ll say it one more time but I am so thankful to have at least been able to nurse him for the time that I did. We made it 17 weeks and although it wasn’t the goal I had originally, I’m still so thankful for it. I know there are women who aren’t able to at all. So trust me, I know I’m blessed.

I do think there is more to this emotional nonsense than meets the eye. I think my body is making that last final adjustment and getting back to normal (insert PMS here, hence crying every day for a week) Periods really are from the devil! :) The other day I cried to Scott because (and actually said this out loud to him) I don’t want Grayson to grow up. Like for reals. He’s barely four months old. Who does that!?

Since Grayson has been on formula he’s slept a lot better, he still fights going down for his naps (Lord knows when that will end) but now he’ll take his full nap (90% of the time) once he’s asleep. And he’s been sleeping on average seven hours at night, even nine a few times now! He’s more content in general, I feel really good about our decision and know it was the right thing to do. Plus, now I get to see this which warms my heart. If you’ve gone through this before and felt the way I do, please feel free to give me advice on the best way to “cope”. Ha! Some of you are probably like, “your lame get over it!” But that’s okay, I have to do me how I do me.

Now puffy eyes and all I’ll sign off for the night. I’m so blessed for our little gift and every-thing/one in my life. Have a great Tuesday evening. xoxo j.



9 thoughts on “Guess we have to grow up a little bit

  1. Hang in there Jessica! I feel the same way when i think about him growing up! It gives me an overwhelming feeling of anxiety and saddness! Dont worry.. Its not just you! ;)

  2. Jessica,
    You are so transparent and I enjoy that about you, I knownI am a olde women, but let me share with you honey be grateful you can hold him and his bottle, just hug him as tight as you while feeding him a bottle, it doesn’t matter how you do it.
    I lost my son at age 21and nothing is more heart wrenching, the lost is without a doubt the worse kind a pain a mother feels in her heart. That is not what I want to share though.
    I want to encourage you, you are going to have some of the best times with Grayson, as he does grow each day, each month, each year you will have moments you will cherish, take each day a minute at a time life is to short to rush it along!
    The mood swings and all that other stuff is hormones, and they too will balance themselves out. Go easy on yourself rest in Lord, cry out to Him and ask Him to guide you and to be your teacher to being the best parent you can be, you are doing a great job! Some day Grayson will tell you what a awesome mommy you are, hang in there sweetie, and don’t beat yourself up, you are a child of God and so is your baby boy! Both you and your husband are great parents, you have some awesome grandparents to help you too, take advantage of that, because together you can all train him up in way he should go!
    God bless you,
    Melissa Belisle

    • Thank you so much Melissa for taking the time to comment and to encourage me. I did not know that about your son, I cannot imagine the hurt that would cause. You have such joy and I know that comes from the Lord, thank you for being an example to me. I can’t wait for the silly hormones to subside. I do know how blessed we are, and I enjoy every day with Grayson. I never want to take him or any of my family for granted. Thank you so much love you!

  3. Jessica, you are the sweetest thing. I’ve “been there, done that” with some of my kids too. Then, along came Tim and things were fine for 10 months! What on earth?! I guess that is the mystery of being a mommy but it’s a little confusing at the time. I have to admit that I never worried about them growing up too fast…….I was all about stuffing them with rice cereal or sooommeeettthhhingg that would help them sleep through the night!

    You have THE cutest precious little mister. I love your posts because you capture the reality of life as a new mommy. AND, quite simply, you love the Lord and that is obvious to all. So proud of you!

    xoxo Carol

    • So confusing. The part that’s confusing is when it comes down to decision making for your child. What if I completely screw him up for the rest of his life!? ha not really but you know what I mean! I know I’m still waiting on this kid to sleep through the night, he’s almost there (I hope)

      Thank you for the encouragement Carol, believe it or not I was listening to a message online by a woman the other day and thinking about you and missing you. (and the rest of your family as well) I just want a hug from all of you! So it’s so good to hear from you! Love you!

  4. Since I am not a mama I can not lend advice in this area but it truly touches my heart, the way you love your son makes me that much more excited to have a little one of my own! And of course, his staring games were pretty funny, the one time I was there. haha Oh I love you Mama Jess!

  5. Pingback: What’s in my {diaper} bag? | J. Rose Photography

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