Life lately

IMG_3821I can’t even believe I am going to say what I am about to say.
I thought Grayson was going to be a perfect baby.
I can hear you all laughing (hysterically) at me now.
He has been such a good baby from pretty much day one.
So apparently I thought it would carry on forever.

This last month has been a rough one.
Besides the fact that being sick has lingered for over a month now,
As I type this I have a brand new sore throat and a headache to go along with it.
Grayson has been teething for what feels like forever.
He used to sleep through the night.
He now wakes up a couple times a night and wants a bottle.
He also had his cold. Then started a cough last week.
He got on antibiotics and they’ve seemed to really help him.
But besides that he’s become quite a high maintenance baby.
The kind that whines until you pick them up.
Where did that come from!?

I knew it was coming. The time when you question what it is that is bothering your precious baby.
If only they could communicate. Tell us what is bothering them.
But how do you know if it’s something bothering them or they are spoiled?
I’ve seen the result of spoiling children. It scares me.

Another struggle is finding balance between raising a child and real life.
How do you get everything done while having a baby constantly whining at your legs?
Why are there so many dishes in the sink?
And I can’t remember how long the laundry has been in the drier.
For that matter I can’t remember the last time I took a shower.

Then there’s the guilt.
The guilt that tells me it’s only a matter of months until I wish he wanted to be with me so much.
Is what I am doing the right thing?
I know that I was born to be a mom. Grayson’s mommy.
I love every minute. Even the hard ones.
He loves me so much. And I think his daddy is his favorite person.
I know that it doesn’t get better than this.
When we go anywhere, he is the best baby.
Some people that know him might think I’m making this up.
He’s soo good.
It’s when we’re home and he’s not entertained by other things.
That he becomes “that” baby.

I’ve never been anything but honest here so I won’t stop now.
I hope I’m not sounding mean.
I wouldn’t trade our life for anything in the world.
At the same time it isn’t always peaches and cream.
It’s more like smushed soggy cereal puffs and poopy diapers.
I think I need to know that I’m not alone.
I think I need advice from those that have been where I am.
What do you do to balance your time?
How do you know if it’s a phase, or a bad habit?

When I see our son smile at me or someone that means the world to me.
I fall in love all over again.
I forget about the dishes and the laundry.
The shower too. (until I look in the mirror of course)
He has the best smile. His eyes light up.
His cough woke him up last night and so I fed him.
After his bottle he fell fast asleep next to me within seconds.
I kept telling myself ten more minutes, I’ll put him in his bed.
The ten minutes turned into over an hour.
For over an hour I laid with him next to my heart.
That is one of my favorite hours I’ve spent with him yet.
I’m so thankful to Jesus for the gift He’s given us.

I just thought I’d write out my thoughts.
If you have any advice I’d love to hear it.
Leave a comment, or send me an email (
Even if just to tell me I’m not a rotten mommy.
Just don’t tell me how rediculous I am for thinking my child would be perfect.IMG_3809

*Edit – I wrote this post Friday night and have started to feel much better today.


3 thoughts on “Life lately

  1. If I had to do it all over again, I would even spend more time with my kids. Now that they are all raised and on their own, I have more time than I need by myself. Empty nest isn’t fun! Each stage is something different, both good and trying, but you can’t go back. I love watching my grown up kids as they find their “new stage”. My husband and I are trying to find our “stage”, and it is nice. The early years are very physical, but the older years are much more emotional. You have full control when the kids are young, and none when they are older. All we can do is love and cherish them and hope the foundation we try to instill in them stays with them. The kids don’t care if the house is clean or not, what they care about is the parents there to love them. You can spoil with “things” but you can’t spoil with love. BTW Grayson is adorable!

  2. Jessica, you are doing a great job raising Grayson! don’t be so hard on yourself each stage has its challenges! and its ok if baby cries for a bit .10 min does seem like a long time for crying but i tell you he will be just fine in a play pen or bed while you take a shower. Never feel like you are neglecting your baby when you need a little break. I know what an awesome mom you are! hang in there girl! Lori Meek

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