There isn’t much that embarrasses me.
I’m not really sure why, it’s not like I’m the most confident person in the world.
I just don’t embarrass easily.
The last time I can remember being embarrassed was my junior year of high school.
We were watching a boys basketball game and someone decided to pants me (really!?)
Bared my smily face undies to the entire fourth row.
Even then, I wasn’t all that embarrassed. It’s just a booty ya know
But what I’m about to share, embarrasses me a little. Or maybe a lot.
We’ve decided to move in with my parents.
It’s a long story but some time ago Scott had an employer.
An employer of 11 years, that suddenly stopped they calling him for work.
Fact: Scott was 1099’d (do I add a d? who knows) anyway, he got no unemployment.
Our house payment was a ridiculous amount at the time.
With Scott constantly taking fire tests and having the possibility of backgrounds,
we did everything we could to stay current on our house.
Including going into debt.
We’ve carried that debt for almost six years.
We were finally on the track to getting ahead but then this happened.
Needless to say we have never had the means to get ahead of our debt.
Last May we were fortunate enough to short sell our house.
You’re asking how are we still living here if we had a short sale?
Well, it’s a God thing but the man who bought this house agreed to rent it back to us.
We could not ask for a better landlord EVER.
He has never made us feel like this wasn’t still our home.
He lives out of state. He doesn’t even have a house key!
He’s given us a great deal on rent too.
But we just can’t get ahead.
This is why we have decided to move in with my parents.
It is more important that I get to stay home with our son.
Plus, even if I got a full time job, it still wouldn’t be enough.
So this is where the Lord would have us for a short while.
We will be there no longer than Jan 1st.
Even if we aren’t exactly where we set our goal now, too bad.
Any amount of time is going to dig us out.
While I am excited to be “free” in a sense.
I am very sad to leave our house, our home.
This has been our home for six years.
We’ve had many blessings and also heartaches here.
Life has happened here.
There was a time that I didn’t think our marriage would make it.
These walls heard our prayers and promises to each other to fight for love.
There was a time that I thought I would never have a baby of my own.
In here I was comforted, healed and brought back to life.
There was a time when we brought our miracle through the door.
The warmth of our home and the security of a roof over our head made us feel like a family.
We’ve had parties, Thanksgivings, Christmasas here,
love has been here.
More and more when I go in Grayson’s room I get really sad.
He won’t remember his first house, his first room.
But I will.
I think about the fact that someday soon somebody will paint over his name
Forget that he slept there.
But then Scott reminds me of our future, of our dreams.
Of another house, a better one.
One that we can grow in. In a better neighborhood.
He’ll have his name on the wall in that house too.
I’ve been saving a quote that I saw in one of Jasmine Star’s blog posts.
I don’t know why I saved it except that it reminds me of Scott.
He’s so good at sacrificing now for something better later.
I think I saved it for today.
Her quote said,
“None of us are above doing what we need to do
to get things done in the name of our dreams.”
For me that means I am not above making this move.
So that Scott doesn’t have to work so much.
So that he can spend more time with our son.
So that he can go back to school.
Just so we get closer to our dreams.
I also know that a house is only a material thing and it will fade,
doesn’t mean I’m not allowed to be all girly about it for a minute.
Also, just so that no one thinks I am a brat.
I am so very thankful that we have family to turn to. We are very fortunate.
God is so good.