I’m not gonna lie

The past couple of weeks have been rough.. there of course have been good things, but mostly disappointments. The rough days I’ve had have most likely been the cause of silence around here lately. This little corner is where I feel happy, there are lots of things I’d like to do with it and hopefully one day I will. But lately, I haven’t been able to find the words.. therefore mostly silence.

I may or may not being getting a temporary (but full time) job, I have an interview this morning. I know it is what is best for our family but I am having a really hard thinking about leaving Grayson for forty hours a week. Two things I know, first I don’t even have the job yet so worrying about it is ridiculous.. and second the way it all happened that if I do get it then it’s obviously a gift from the Lord. Plus, it would allow us to completely pay off a debt we have and further make it worth living with family. Six months goes by fast right?

My birthday… ohh my birthday.. It definitely didn’t go as smoothly as I’d planned it in my head… But with kids, does it ever? I’m learning that it doesn’t. I put Grayson to bed and then cried. Feeling like I had failed as a mother. My child doesn’t nap like the other kids I know, he prefers a chip over a carrot stick.. Absolutely refused to sit in his high chair at dinner.. Where oh where did I go wrong?! Obviously, in the light of day.. I know that I am not truly failing as a parent, nor am I disappointed that because it was my birthday that things didn’t go right.. Scott’s job is not perfect but it allows us sooo much time together, that we can re-do our quality time any day. It’s just that there was a plan… and my son threw a HUGE wrench in it. It also does not help that he is almost two and still has only two bottom front teeth! I swear he has been teething since he was six months. I believe that was our main problem Saturday, his gums just won’t let those teeth come through. Poor guy. We have an appointment today and I am hoping we don’t hear that they are going to have to cut his little gums. Annnd another tangent about birthdays… do you think it is a day that people say nice things to you because its what they’re suppose to do.. or do they take advantage of the fact that there is a special occasion and they are able express how they feel? I kind of think that if people went around saying the things to people that they say to them on their birthday.. this world would be a much better place.. (the only reason I ask is because so many people said truly nice things to me) I try really hard not to wait for birthdays to express how I feel about my friends. 

Tomorrow is my last day nanny’ing (is that a word?) the two little girls I watch twice a week. Bittersweet for sure. If I go back to working five days a week I am sure I will totally miss having those two little bosses. Ahhh I feel like I should talk about something positive, I don’t want to be a complete debbie-downer. Ummm let me think, I started planning Grayson’s birthday party! I of course started a Pinterest board like the month after his first birthday party. But haven’t put any thought into until it this week. I’ve started buying a few things here and there, and have been dreaming up ideas. Planning events are fun, but the ones for my favorites are the best!

The only nap he took Saturday was on the twenty minute drive to dinner. Not good. birthday1G took this picture on Sunday at a birthday lunch.. As hard as life is sometimes, he is my happy.birthday2

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