The Now..

When I have time I like to read other mom blogs, I honestly try to stick to Godly women who I’ve grown to respect at mothers and people.
I don’t know them, but I know them. If that makes sense.
Over and over (and over) I have read posts about children growing up.
How quickly it passes. For two and a half years it’s been in the back of my mind.
Knowing it was happening before my eyes, but feeling helpless to it.
Life felt too busy to truly cherish it.
One thing I am proud of, our family days.
They are never anything extravagant, but they are ours.
But do I live in the moment? No. I wonder when we will get pregnant again.
I wonder when he will get that better job, when will we be able to buy a new house.
But God has spoken to me recently, through other women’s written words.
Tomorrow is not a promise. (Just watch Stepmom… okay no don’t) We can’t take today for granted.
After over a decade of serving in women’s ministry, I chose to step away.
Immediately I felt lighter, don’t get me wrong, I love serving.
But serving my family has been failing. Cherishing them has been non-existent.
Immediately I felt lighter, like a feather. Thankful for that time, excited for the future.
I’ve made a priority to spend time in God’s Word every morning,
I still need direction for my life. Taking a break doesn’t mean letting go of everything.
Giving each day to the Lord, promising to cherish this time with my baby.
Thanking Jesus for the hard-working man in our lives.
What a change in the way my days have gone.

I wanted to share some words that have rocked me lately. I do not follow this blog but came across this particular post recently. She speaks of the tiresome duties of being a mother, and while they never end for her daily.. they will eventually end. Our babies won’t need us anymore, and the thought of that instantly makes my face hot and eyes fill with tears.

Go read her post if you have a minute but these words got me the most.
“I am sure there will come a day when no one needs me. My babies will all be long gone and consumed with their own lives. I may
sit alone in some assisted living facility watching my body fade away. No one will need me then. I may even be a burden. Sure, they
will come visit, but my arms will no longer be their home. My kisses no longer their cure. There will be no more tiny boots to wipe the slush from or seat belts to be buckled. I will have read my last bedtime story, seven times in a row. I will no longer enforce time-outs. There will be no more bags to pack and unpack or snack cups to fill. I am sure my heart will yearn to hear those tiny voices calling out to me, “Mommy, somebody needs you!”

Another blogger I’ve followed now for several years is Casey Wiegand. I believe I have mentioned her here before,we were both going through miscarriages at the same time. Every word she spoke, I just got it.. Recently she wrote of her first born, her son.. and his future wife. You can read her full post if you have a minute.

“When I was thinking about my Aiden, my first, my tender soul, my mini me. I started thinking about his future wife. How she was probably in a church Sunday School class somewhere in the world right now. How she, in reality, will get to take care of my Aiden for more years than I will. Gulp.
Of course I desperately want that but thinking how fast it goes quickly brings a lump in my throat. I prayed for her. For her heart and her tenderness. That she would love my boy with all her heart and take care of him the way that I do. Better even. Protecting his dreams, shielding his heart, cheering him on constantly.”

In just a blink of an eye, they are grown. Grayson will never be this age again, I will never get this day back. I just want to live my days remembering this. I do not regret serving, or helping people with whatever they ask of me. But I am ready to be selfish, for me.. for my family..
I am fully ready to embrace the now..

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